I recently read the book, Desperate Pastors’ Wives by Ginger Kolbaba & Christy Scannell. I found out about the book while browsing a website I joined specifically for pastors’ wives. It had some very positive reviews by women who are in the ministry, and I felt that perhaps I might glean some insight into whether my experiences were the same as my comrades.
The book begins by enlightening the reader that pastors’ wives (a.k.a. PWs) are many times without real friends. Then we meet four PWs who put their trust in one another over a long period of time and eventually there is created a deep and wonderfully honest friendship. PWs can relate to each other. PWs know and understand the difficulties of the ministry.
The focus of this book has described my life for the past thirteen years. I have struggled with befriending anyone since becoming a PW. I have begged God to bless me with a true Christian friend for all of these years.
Prior to becoming a pastor’s wife, I had close friends. I still have my oldest friend Valerie (we’ve known each other for 44 years) and my friend Beverly (we’ve known each other for 22 years). But these friends are not near in proximity nor do we share our everyday lives any longer. We talk or email every few months, catching up, but none of the depth of our lives is expressed in such short periods of time. And now, as the wife of a pastor, with my own ministry, I tend not to think that they want to hear about everything that is going on in my life because of the uniqueness of being a PW.
I reconciled myself to the fact that Earl was just going to have to do as my best friend. And actually, for all intents and purposes, Earl really is my best friend. He knows all about me and certainly listens and shares with me on an everyday basis and deals with all my annoying habits and many faults. But right now, I’m talking GIRLFRIEND!
Once I became a PW, I noticed people to be more reserved about themselves around me. Everybody is truly pleasant and certainly may be inquiring about me, but very few bring you into their lives and share who they are in such a way as to develop a close relationship. However more recently, I have met a couple of women who seem to want to maintain a closer relationship with an alien PW like me.
Carol is a friend from our Morrow Church pastorate. It took six years at that ministry before we actually met. Although I don’t get to see Carol but a couple times a year, we do have dinner and try to catch up. We laugh and we usually cry in just a mere 2 hour time frame, but we are uplifted by each other’s company and God’s Holy Spirit. God is the One Who has brought us together – not the call of being a PW. We met when our kids started dating and our daughter invited Carol & her husband to church. God answered that prayer for me. Within six months of meeting Carol, Earl and I were called to our next ministry. Since Carol, we’ve had two more pastorates.
It wasn’t until we came to James Island Presbyterian, that I met a wonderful woman named Kristi. Kristi is real. Kristi is true and honest. Kristi speaks her mind! The first time we met, she and her husband took Earl and me out for dinner and the first thing she said to me was “It’s been a heck of a day; I’m having a glass of wine, how about you?”….We hit it off immediately. Kristi is in the ministry too. Her husband is the Associate in Ministry at our church. Kristi knows….and understands! Kristi is yet again, a God answered prayer.
If we have patience and trust in God, I believe that He will bring into our lives the people who will help us traverse through God’s difficult ministry trails. I give God my thanks for giving me the patience to wait on Him and for giving me the friends that He has chosen for me…. in His perfect time.
John 15:13 – “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”
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