“Be Strong and Courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
I have had a very hectic and draining couple of weeks. But I can only attempt to understand the distress, pressures and heartache that my pastor husband, Earl, has endured.
We live and minister in Charleston, SC, and I work for a company in Atlanta, GA. Last week, I was needed in Atlanta for the week, coming back to Charleston on Saturday. On Palm Sunday, Earl received a call that no one ever wants to receive. His father, who was diagnosed with lung cancer only 2 months prior, had passed away. With Holy Week ahead of him, we quickly made the arrangements to get to St. Louis on Monday morning, very early.
Upon arriving, Earl and I, his sister and brother-in-law and Earl’s mother, went to make the arrangements with the funeral home. After spending most of the day there, the decisions had been made, but then they had to find a burial plot, where further hours were spent with more decisions being made. Earl’s mother was a really strong woman that day and handled herself with pure grace. She was strong, she was courageous!
Earl’s mother made a request of Earl that I would never have been able to fulfill. She asked him to do the service for his father. Earl was grieving, Earl was trying to be the strong son. Earl was uncertain he could fulfill her request. But she insisted. Earl’s stress was intensified. How could he possibly do his own father’s service and make it as meaningful for the family as he had done for so many other families in the past? This request prompted me to remember how Earl was as a child. He wanted to be superman; he donned his cape and climbed atop the garage so he could save the world and make everything right.
Earl had to go into super pastor mode, so he went into prayer and asked God for His presence. He pastored his family; he gently and compassionately questioned them about their stories about his father. He took in the stories and on Wednesday, he took those stories and developed them into a tribute to his father that was inspiring, loving and heart- felt by each person in the chapel. He began his eulogy with a prayer that so touched me that I will never forget his request. He asked God to give him the spirit of a preacher and the heart of a grateful son. Earl stood strong, he was courageous!
God’s timing in the passing of Earl’s father was too soon for us, but oh so perfect for Him. Earl’s father suffers no more. Earl will always remember that God took Aubrey home on Palm Sunday. Earl mentioned that his father triumphantly entered Paradise on the day we celebrate Jesus triumphant entry into Jerusalem so long ago. Jesus came in order that we too could triumphantly enter the gates of heaven. Earl’s father lived a life full of compassion, love and gentleness the very personality of Jesus. Earl’s father lived a life of giving and helping and being there for those that came across his path. Earl’s father lived a life that most would shy away from, for Earl’s father did not live for self, but Aubrey lived for others. Aubrey lived strong, he was courageous!
Easter is now upon Earl. The day after burying his father, Earl was presenting the Maundy Thursday service to a fellowship hall full of our Charleston family. Our congregation offered him more time to stay with his mother and take care of family business. Our congregation offered a gift so very extraordinary, they gave that gift unselfishly, knowing that Holy Week was here. But in Earl’s eyes, his church family in Charleston needed him now. He needed to be back in the fellowship of his flock, helping to lead them into the Easter season, in the remembrance of the Resurrection of Christ, the most holy week of the year. He let the Lord lead him. He knew that he had to be strong and courageous for his flock. For he knows, “the Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you.” Deuteronomy 31:8
May you be strong and courageous through all of life’s trials and tribulations and may you always know that the Lord will go ahead of you and will always be with you. In Christ we can be strong and courageous!
BE STRONG and BE COURAGEOUS
06 Apr 2012 7 Comments
in April 2012 Tags: burial, Christian, church, compassion, courageous, decisions, deuteronomy, distress, Easter, family, flock, funeral, God, heaven, Holy week, Jerusalem, Jesus, mother, palm sunday, paradise, Pastor, resurrection, service, stress, strong, superman, triumph
God, Family, Church?
09 Mar 2012 4 Comments
in March 2012, Pastor's Wives Tags: Christ, Christian, church, family, God, marriage, ministry, Pastor, Pastors Wife
If you are a pastor, your job is to serve Christ first and foremost. Great, I understand that. That would be under the God heading within a Christian’s priorities. But within a pastor’s priorities, what happens to his/her family being second, or more specifically, the wife of a pastor being second?
I know that there must be a lot of pastors’ wives that ultimately feel that they don’t even come in a close second. They feel that they are ranked way down on a list of priorities by their minister spouse. Maybe they are 200th in a 200 member church. Whatever the church roll is, add 1 and that’s where she is. It is hard to be dead last even if, at times, it is out of necessity. The reality is, the real priorities of being a pastor must at least feel different to the family.
God, Church, Family (spouse)………..and they don’t like it.
What we, as pastors wives, have to ultimately open our eyes to is what it means to serve Christ first.
It took me a little while to understand that when God united Earl and me, “for this cause a man …..shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh” (Matthew 19:5) and “Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh” (Matthew 19:6), I too was called into the ministry. Yes friends, we were called into the ministry along with our husbands if we are truly one flesh.
Therefore it really doesn’t matter if he was called into the ministry before you met, while you dated or even years after you were married. If the two were joined in marriage, they are both called, because in marriage, God does not call one without calling the other.
And since every Christian is to serve Christ first and foremost, we may not have been called to preach, but we, as a ministers wife, have been called to do one of the greatest ministries ever mandated by God. What is that?
We were called to serve Christ alongside our husbands as a helpmate to him. A pastor’s life is not glamorous. The statistics on a pastor’s life are horrendous. Take a look at these I found under the Schaeffer Institute: Statistics on Pastors, By Dr. Richard J. Krejcir. Here’s the link if you want to know more:
http://www.intothyword.org/articles_view.asp?articleid=36562&columnid=
- 100% pastors we surveyed, every one of them had a close associate or seminary buddy who had left the ministry because of burnout, conflict in their church, or from a moral failure.
- 90% of pastors stated they are frequently fatigued and worn out on a weekly and even daily basis (did not say burned out).
- 89% of the pastors we surveyed also considered leaving the ministry at one time. 57% said they would leave if they had a better place to go—including secular work.
- 77% of the pastors we surveyed felt they did not have a good marriage.
- 71% of pastors stated they were burned out, and they battle depression beyond fatigue on a weekly and even a daily basis.
- 38% of pastors said they were divorced or currently in a divorce process.
- 30% said they had either been in an ongoing affair or a one-time sexual encounter with a parishioner.
- 23% of the pastors we surveyed said they felt happy and content on a regular basis with who they are in Christ, in their church, and in their home!
I only took those statistics that directly related to family and marriage. These numbers should prompt every good pastor’s wife to ACT.
But what can we do when we hardly ever see this dear sweet, (well, not always) man of ours?
Serve him as He serves Christ! Oh that is so politically incorrect! But when you serve your husband the way he serves Christ’s people, you are doing a great service for God. Who better to serve “God’s Man” than “God’s Woman”? We need to focus on how to serve our husbands better in order that their lives in the ministry will be a little easier on them, and possibly, some of the above statistics aren’t fulfilled in your marriage.
One of the small things that I have chosen to do is to be up at 5 AM on Sundays, while he is preparing and dressing for a full day of service and meetings, and cook him a good breakfast. Of course once he is out the door, I promptly take myself back to bed!. But this one little act (among others), has made a big impact on our marriage. He goes out fully nourished to battle the day, and he really appreciates it. I believe he even preaches a little better after a good early morning breakfast. And it also puts me in a very good light in his eyes – and I believe in God’s eyes too.
pastorswifelife 